I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize