Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
