I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
