Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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