Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
