Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Randomize
