we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
