Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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