TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
