yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
