i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Drunk is a universal language darling
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
