Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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