so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Just invented taco cereal.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize