It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
