apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
