Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
