i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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