I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize