it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
