She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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