ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
