i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize