Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
