I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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