Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
