seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
