you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
