We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
