her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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