ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
