Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
