i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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