I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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