if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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