For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
