She said her name was "party"
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I could fuck to npr.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Randomize
