its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
