farters have to be the big spoon...
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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