I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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