The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize