A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
