So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
