yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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