My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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