I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize