This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize