I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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