I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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