I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
