Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
