We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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