God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
