please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
