I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
