Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
