you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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