You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
