I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize