Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
