R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
She made me pour olive oil on her.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
