My sheets look like a crime scene.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
