Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I think i got beer on your cat.
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