Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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