Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
