why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
