I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
