**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
where are you?
Hypothermia
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
