I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
