I'm going to jail i love you
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
