She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
