what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
