walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
