Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Plan B is the new Plan A
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
